The 4 Phases of Change and How They Show Up in Grief

The 4 Phases of Change and How They Show Up in Grief

Grief is not just about loss - it’s about the changes that loss brings.

When we experience grief, we’re not just mourning what we’ve lost; we’re also grieving what will never be the same. Our identity, routines, relationships, and sense of safety often shift overnight. And with change comes resistance, confusion, and eventually… transformation.

At Nichole Folino Coaching, I use a holistic approach to help women move through grief in a way that honors the mind, body, and soul. One of the frameworks I gently introduce in my sessions is the four phases of change - denial, resistance, exploration, and integration. These aren’t linear steps, and they don’t follow a predictable timeline. But they do show up in almost every grief journey, whether we recognize them or not.

Let’s walk through each of the 4 phases of change and explore how grief and healing unfold within them.

Phase 1: Denial - “This Can’t Be Real”

Denial is often the first response to loss. It’s the mind’s way of protecting us from pain we’re not ready to fully process. This doesn’t mean you’re pretending it didn’t happen - it simply means that your body and nervous system are in shock, doing their best to keep you functioning.

In grief, denial might look like:

Feeling numb or emotionally shut down

Going through the motions of daily life on autopilot

Avoiding memories, photos, or conversations about the loss

Over-functioning or staying excessively busy

At Nichole Folino Coaching, I never rush you through this phase. Denial isn’t a failure, it’s a survival tool. In our work together, I create a non-judgmental, compassionate space where your nervous system can begin to soften and feel safe enough to feel again.

Holistic support in this phase might include grounding practices, gentle breathwork, and space to speak about your experience without pressure or expectation. You don’t need to leap into deep healing. You just need space to land.

Phase 2: Resistance - “I Don’t Want This”

Once the reality of the loss starts to settle in, resistance often follows. This phase is marked by emotional intensity - anger, guilt, frustration, fear. You may find yourself swinging between grief and attempts to control your circumstances, emotions, or relationships.

Resistance can sound like:

“I should be over this by now.”

“Why did this happen?”

“I can’t do this.”

“This isn’t fair.”

In this phase, many women begin to judge themselves. They think they’re grieving “wrong” or feel shame for struggling. This is where coaching becomes powerful.

As a holistic grief coach, I support clients in releasing these self-judgments and reconnecting with compassion. Together, we:

Explore the emotional patterns arising in resistance

Work with somatic tools to regulate overwhelm

Use journaling, visualization, and mindfulness to express the unspeakable parts of grief

Practice emotional permission, allowing clients to feel without fixing

At Nichole Folino Coaching, I hold space for the messy middle — the part where you're not okay, and that’s okay.

Phase 3: Exploration - “What Now?”

This is the turning point. It doesn’t mean the grief is gone - it means there’s a glimmer of possibility. Exploration doesn’t feel like a celebration; it often feels like curiosity mixed with caution.

In this phase, you may start to ask:

“What do I want now?”

“Who am I without this person or chapter of my life?”

“What helps me feel safe or grounded again?”

This is when the holistic approach becomes even more important. Exploration isn’t just about thinking your way forward - it’s about feeling your way forward. It’s about tuning in to what your body, mind, and soul need to begin again.

In coaching sessions, we might:

Identify new routines that support your nervous system

Create rituals to honour your loss and mark growth

Explore boundaries and energy drains

Reconnect with forgotten parts of yourself - creativity, intuition, hope

At Nichole Folino Coaching, this is where the work begins to feel a little lighter. A little more possible. My role isn’t to tell you who to become - it’s to walk beside you while you rediscover her.

Phase 4: Integration - “This Is Part of Me Now”

Grief doesn’t “go away.” It becomes part of your story, not as something that defines you, but as something that shaped you. Integration is the process of weaving your loss into your life with tenderness, meaning, and self-trust.

This doesn’t mean you don’t still hurt. But it means you’ve created room for both - grief and growth, memory and movement, sorrow and strength.

In integration, we might:

Reflect on how far you’ve come

Reconnect with a sense of purpose or meaning

Create a long-term grief care plan for anniversaries and tough days

Celebrate the version of you that is still standing, still soft, still growing

At Nichole Folino Coaching, integration is not a finish line - it’s a gentle unfolding. You get to define what healing looks like. You get to build a life that honours what was lost and supports who you’re becoming.

Why the Phases of Change Matter in Grief Coaching

Many people assume grief is a straight line or that healing has to look a certain way. But grief is a cycle. A spiral. A wave. It has ups and downs when you least expect them.

Understanding these four phases that are part of a grief journey - denial, resistance, exploration, and integration, helps normalize what you're feeling. It reminds you that your grief makes sense, even when the world doesn’t. This is what the grief journey

As a holistic grief coach, my role is not to push you through these phases, but to walk with you through them. To offer tools, support, and a sacred space that helps you feel safe enough to grieve in your own way, in your own time.

Working With Nichole Folino Coaching

I work with women who are navigating all forms of grief — from the loss of a loved one to the loss of identity, relationships, routines, or the version of life they thought they’d have. Through 1:1 coaching, group gatherings like Breathe & Begin, The Soulful Grief Reset, and ongoing emotional support, I help women reconnect with themselves and their lives.

If you’re feeling stuck in any of these phases or like you're spiraling between them, you are not alone.

Healing is possible. Support is available. And you are worthy of both.

To learn more about grief coaching or book a free clarity call, visit www.nicholefolinocoaching.com

With light & gratitude

Nichole Folino

Life Coach

www.nicholefolinocoaching.com

Book a call with me to start your journey today

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